Posted: Jul 02, 2013 8:00 AM
My toddler is something of a nudist. If she had her way, she'd never wear clothes, anywhere, ever. Though it's always interesting trying to wrangle her into garb for leaving the house, she was potty trained at 26 months, and we did practically nothing. My new potty training method: nakedness!

Potty training has always been my “no way” zone. You know, like I draw the line at potty training. I'll devote a lot to motherhood, but I won't do that.

No really, I refuse to do it.

Some women read books and articles and forums, engage in frequent discussions with anybody who's ever had a toddler, knew a toddler, thought of knowing a toddler once. They plan everything out. You know what I do? I slough it off on my husband. You know why? Because the task sounds insurmountable. Everybody has their limits, people. And mine is potty training.

He can deal with it. I breastfed them. We'll just call this “his special contribution.”

I give them boob. He potty trains. Not at the same time.

chocolate chips

What? It's not like I don't help. I'm a helper. Obviously it's not like I don't see the kid for two or three or six months and they come back miraculously trained. I participate in whatever scheme the husband has going, but I don't engage in the decision-making.

I'm not gonna lie: The schemes are not advanced. I think with my first two kids, it involved a lot of chocolate chips.

Yeah, whatever, go ahead and judge

I have three kids. I'm used to it.

Basically, I really didn't care if they were still in diapers at 3 or 3-1/2. Much like cosleeping, I have yet to meet an adult still peeing in Huggies.

So you'll imagine my shock, awe and limitless joy when my toddler basically potty trained herself, in a very short time, with neither my husband nor I doing much to help the process. No joke, by the time she was about 26 months, she was 100 percent potty trained and now doesn't even have accidents at night. Dude WHAT? (She'll be 3 in August.)

Now, please don't think I'm engaging in one of those mothering pissing matches where we all try to one-up each other with our child's milestones. (HA! Get it? “Pissing matches?” Oh come on, that was funny.) I usually want to punch people in the throat for saying things like, "My kid potty trained herself," but this really happened. I am as surprised as you.

Here's how it went down:

toddler training toiletGeorgia (the toddler in question) refuses to wear clothes, so she spends about 97 percent of her life naked (in the house — out of the house I'd say it's more around 20 percent). She learned how to remove her diaper at around 24 months. After that she peed on herself a few times, and possibly pooped on the floor once or twice. That sucked. But here's the thing: She hated peeing on herself. Like hated it. Freaked out. So we explained (being vastly attentive parents and all): “Georgia, if you don't want to pee on yourself, you have to use the potty, which is conveniently placed right here in the living room in front of the fireplace (because your parents have lost all dignity).”

And I'm telling you people, she maybe peed one or two more times on herself (and my floor and couch and rugs), but after that, as long as she was naked, she would go in the potty. I was shocked. It was so easy.

Now, when we started putting her in clothes and underwear, things got a little interesting. She would pee instantly in clothes. We figured out that underwear confused her. If she had underwear on she'd think it was a diaper and she'd pee. So we let her go naked or commando and people, I'm telling you the kid was 100 percent out of diapers and never having accidents within a month or two.

So yeah. Apparently I've found the best potty training method ever, completely on accident. (Ha! Again with the brilliant puns! Alright not that brilliant. I don't even like puns.)

Anyway it worked way better than chocolate chips, bribery, vague threats and weeping. Not that we've ever done that.

I let her pee on herself until she figured out it was a startlingly uncomfortable experience.

Well, maybe I didn't find it. Maybe the hippies have been doing it forever (please tell me I didn't just engage in “elimination communication.” Please.), but I wouldn't know since potty training isn't my job, I haven't read anything on the topic. I don't do potty training. That's his job. I give boob.

But if a mom ever asks me “How did you get her to potty train?” I know what I'm going to say: “I let her pee on herself until she figured out it was a startlingly uncomfortable experience, and it was the smartest thing I ever did on accident."

Man, I really need to knock this punning crap off.

Wow. Maybe it's a disease?

Anyway, give the naked potty training thing a try. You can thank me later.

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