Posted: Mar 28, 2013 8:00 AM
Carolyn Evans' method for adding more sex into your marriage is fun, creative and innovative. It's called Forty Beads and we absolutely had to know how does 40 beads work, so we sat down with Carolyn to find out. See if 40 beads is for you!
Just because sex may not be what we need to fill us up or make us whole, doesn't make it any less true for them.

Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Boy and girl have one house, two careers, 2.5 kids, an adorable puppy, diapers, dinner, laundry, cleaning and groceries. Girl is exhausted and sex gets put on the back burner — for her. Sound familiar? What many of us hate to admit — but know is true — is that sex is a point of tension in most marriages. Carolyn Evans has stumbled onto a fun, creative solution to the elephant in the room: the conflicting libido problem.

He wants it, she doesn't

Forty Beads book cover

A whole section in Carolyn's quick-witted, often burst-out laughing and tell-it-how-it-is book, Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage, is devoted to the brain-based science behind why men seem to love — and need — sex more than women. An interesting caveat to this is the research that shows how men feel when they're not getting it. The bottom line is that they feel bad and their resentment gets geared toward you. This is something that most women intuitively know, hence that elephant in the room.

All of that angst around sex — who's getting it and when — leads to unwanted tension in a marriage.

Carolyn says, "Not only do men want sex, they truly believe that they need sex. To survive. They think of it as the answer, the cure, the magic elixir of life. And just because sex may not be what we need to fill us up or make us whole, doesn't make it any less true for them. We don't have to understand it or agree with it, but if we choose to live with a man in a romantic way, we sure do have to do deal with it — one way or another."

Once upon a time

Carolyn found this to be true in her own marriage. She discovered The Forty Beads Method by accident, while searching for a 40th birthday present for her husband. She says, "We hadn't been getting along very well and two nights before his big day, I decided to give my husband a whole lot of what he loves best in this world: sex."

Carolyn explains how the solution morphed from 40 straight days of sex to what has become a bona fide, sexy method, "I gave him 40 straight days of sex, only when I woke up the next morning and realized what I'd done, I became painfully aware of the fact that I don't have the emotional stamina or bodily constitution to survive that much sex. I saw myself laid up in a hospital bed accepting antibiotics intravenously. Time was short and I had to work out a way to make my gift do-able, so I tweaked my original offer and gave my husband 40 beads — each one good for a roll in the hay."

And so the method was born, along with a book, a process and set of rules of engagement.

Isn't it romantic

Knowing how much our guys want — and need — sex and how much closer we feel after sex, doesn't change the alarming fact that sex often ends up at the bottom of our overwhelming to-do lists. Carolyn says that what the 40 Beads Method does is, "separate sex from the things you mean to do in any 24-hour period and puts it with the items that you're going to do." Beaders have found that in turn, their husbands began putting their needs first as well. Carolyn calls these Beadefits.

Putting sex first, is really about putting your marriage first.

She says, "Basically, the Beadefits are about what happens when a couple feels really connected to each other — when the stress falls away and is replaced by pure love. They begin with your husband's behavior and involve him being that really good guy you know him to be and treating you the way you know you should be treated."

So putting sex first, is really about putting your marriage first.

The nitty gritty

single bead in bowl

You must be dying to know how this all works. Carolyn explains the tools, the play book, advanced Beading moves and what to do when you run out of beads (recycle!) in her book, but the basics are well, basic.

She shared how she started Beading with her husband after gifting him the Beads, "I invited him to drop a Bead into my Beadcatcher, the bowl by my bed, to signal his interest in sex — with the understanding that I would be a sure thing within 24 hours."

A sure thing

Did you do a double take at "the sure thing" part? Many women do. But it's an important part of Beading. Beading works because you both reinvest in your marriage and respect this new part of it. Besides a few exceptions, you never ignore a bead.

Carolyn explains, "What I'm suggesting by way of The Forty Beads Method is that as women, maybe we're ready to move past the me and are now just as interested in creating a happy we. We're willing to share the sexual power, because having a great relationship is way more fun than being the iron-fisted gatekeeper of sex in the marriage. The Forty Beads Method creates a situation where the relationship holds the power — not the man or the woman alone."

That's a powerful shift in thinking that can only serve to bring a couple closer.

Emily, a Beading believer says, "As we sat cross-legged on the bed, I handed him the sack of Beads and said, "I want these Beads to be my bridge back to you." That was my intention and that's exactly what the Beads have been — a bridge that reconnected us to each other."

Beaders unite

Beading has caught on quickly. Carolyn's book was published in 2011. Since then she's been featured on The Today Show and in Woman's Day, Southern Living and Redbook magazines, to name just a few.

She's also heard from countless numbers of women about how Beading changed their marriage. Carolyn remains active on her website and emails with women to help troubleshoot Beading questions and to celebrate Beadefits.

Some women have even started their own Forty Beads Clubs where they gather and discuss their marriages, their sex lives and — of course — their Beads.Bead box gift set

Are you ready to get your Bead on?

We can all agree that this method has research, reason and merit. More sex in a marriage is a good thing. But what we're really wondering is will you Bead?

To find out more about Forty Beads, visit the website, buy the book or dive right in with your own Forty Beads Gift.

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