If you are struggling with infertility, it can be hard to express happiness when others so easily seem to gain a pregnancy. We outline a few ways for you to show your loved ones that you are happy for them without dismissing your own feelings of pain.

If you've been trying to get pregnant for a few months (or more), it can be hard not to get discouraged. Pregnancy seems to happen easily for many people, and if you're faced with the news that a friend or family member has become pregnant, it can be quite a blow. It can be even more difficult if you've kept your TTC efforts a secret and people aren't aware of how long you've been trying. How can you show happiness when you're feeling sad, jealous or angry?

Put on a happy face

It sounds so simple, and perhaps a little silly, but if you can drum up the ability to smile, it may soften the blow a bit. If the news comes at you when you least expect it, such as at a large family gathering, take a few deep breaths, command your face to relax and flip your lips upward.

Be honest

Close family and friends may be able to tell that you are hurting, even if you cheer and say how happy you are for them. If they want to know what's wrong, tell them -- you may find an understanding ear or a story similar to your own. On the flip side, though, if you mention a TTC journey that has taken months (or years), you may hear platitudes that minimize your own pain, such as, "Relax and it will happen," or, "Just be happy with the child(ren) you have."

... or not

So, feel free to make up a little white lie to get you through the moment. Blame your visible discomfort on a tummy ache, or mention that you're worried about your dog's bad health -- anything believable to get the focus off of you and back on to the excited parents-to-be.


Often, the good news can leave you gasping for air, disheartened, numb or in shock. Once this wears off, you may burst into tears -- and you may feel guilty for doing so. Grieving is normal and healthy, even in the face of good news from others.

With these few tips in mind, you may be a little better prepared if you are suddenly struck with the news that someone is expecting a baby and it isn't you -- yet.

More about trying to conceive

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So, you need a sperm donor
Secondary infertility struggles

Topics: trying to conceive