When you're trying to conceive — whether the first time or the fifth — your world suddenly becomes small. Life happens in two-week intervals as you wait for the right time and then wait to test. Including friends and family in your quest for a child may seem like a good idea, but some prefer to keep their hopes private.
Our little secret
When you first start trying to get pregnant — if you haven't been diagnosed with any infertility issues — it can be kind of fun not telling anyone. It's a shared secret between the two of you that brings you closer as you bond over hopes for a baby. My husband and I had been married for 6 years before we started trying to conceive. We had been through all of the when will you have a baby questions and ignored them for years. Being able to surprise family and friends with news that a baby was on the way was well worth keeping the secret for us.
For some women, sharing this sort of news with their friends is a must. Husbands may have a more difficult time with this level of sharing though and feel uncomfortable with everyone else knowing what's going on at home. Writer and social media consultant Audrey McClellan was content to shout it from the rooftops. "When I was trying to get pregnant with William back in 2003 I told everyone and anyone," she shares on Lifetime Moms. "I remember Matt [her husband] feeling so embarrassed that everyone knew. I mean, everyone at work knew my freaking ovulation cycle — I was that open." She wanted the extra support and positive baby vibes from friends and family and figured that other women liked knowing, too.
When infertility strikes
Even with your best efforts at just being spontaneous, sometimes sperm and egg aren't hooking up. When you've been trying for a while, suddenly the journey isn't quite as fun. Katie Hurley, LCSW and writer, felt a bit more private when she and her husband were trying to conceive. "My three closest friends knew. I didn't open up much, but they always seemed to know when to ask and when to give me space and that helped," Hurley shares. "It was hard to be silent, but I didn't want to be watched. It's a really difficult choice with no easy answer." Hurley recently started a website called Clomid and Cabernet that serves as an online connection for people who are struggling with infertility.
Whether you stay private or share with everyone you know, your journey towards motherhood is uniquely yours. With a bit of luck, your secret won't be safe for long.