Posted: Sep 06, 2013 7:00 AM
We expect and accept a measure of "celebrity weirdness" when it comes to baby names, but these famous parents took the concept to a whole new level. All we can do is sympathize with the children…

The worst of the worst

Finding really bad celebrity baby names is easy — narrowing them down to a mere 25 is not! These names, listed in no particular order, are some of the worst we've ever seen:

  1. Pirate: Korn frontman Jonathan "JDevil" Howsmon Davis fathered Pirate with his second wife, porn actress Deven Davis, with whom he also has a son named Zeppelin.

  2. Zuma Nesta Rock: Rocker Gavin Rossdale and No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani named their first-born child Kingston James McGregor and saved most of their celebrity weirdness for their second son.

  3. Mars Merkaba Thedford: Mars is the daughter of R&B singer Erykah Badu and rapper Jay Electronica. She has two half-siblings: Seven Sirius Benjamin (fathered by André 3000) and Puma Sabti Curry (whose dad is The D.O.C.).

  4. Sage Moonblood: The late son of Sylvester Stallone and his first of three wives Sasha Czack is survived by brother Seargeoh and half-siblings Sistine, Sophia and Scarlet Stallone. Sage's death was attributed to a heart attack caused by atherosclerosis. (Rest in peace, Sage.)

  5. Apple Blythe Alison: Gwyneth Paltrow said of her daughter's name, "It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me — you know, apples are so sweet and they're wholesome and it's biblical — and I just thought it sounded so lovely and … clean! And I just thought, 'Perfect!"

  6. Audio Science: Actress/musician Shannyn Sossamon only briefly dated her baby daddy, children's book illustrator Dallas Clayton. In 2012, Shannyn gave Audio a brother, Mortimer, but has not disclosed the child's paternity.

  7. Bronx Mowgli: Ashley Simpson was pregnant with the boy named after a neighborhood and a Rudyard Kipling character when she married Fall Out Boy songwriter Pete Wentz, but their marriage lasted less than three years.

  8. Pilot Standard Inspektor: Jason Lee and one-time fiancée Beth Reisgraf say their son's name was inspired by the indie rock song "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot."

  9. Camera: Tennis great Arthur Ashe and his photographer wife Jeanne Moutoussamy named their daughter after Mom's profession.

  10. Sunny BeBop: Red Hot Chili Peppers' bassist Michael Peter Balzary is better known as "Flea." His daughter should be so lucky…

  11. Moxie CrimeFighter: There's nothing magical about the name illusionist Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) and his wife Emily Zolten gave their daughter.

  12. Kal-El: We're not sure what Nicholas Cage and his third wife, Alice Kim, were thinking when they gave their son Superman's birth name.

  13. Reignbeau: The daughter of Pulp Fiction actor Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed has a brother named Freedom! Does that make Ving a closet hippie?

  14. Speck Wildhorse: John Cougar Mellencamp has five children from three marriages. Speck is his son with first wife, supermodel Elaine Irwin.

  15. Jermajesty: Jermajesty, Jaafar Jeremiah and Donte Randall are the three sons of Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza (who also has two children with Jermaine's brother Randy Jackson). Jermaine is also dad to three children (Jermaine La Jaune, Autumn Joy, Jaimy Jermaine) with Hazel Joy Gordy and two children (Jeremy and Jourdynn) with Margaret Maldonado.

Worst brood names

For some celebrities, one weird baby name is not enough. These families decided to bestow crazy names on each one of their children.

  1. The Geldof family: Musician Bob Geldof and rock journalist Paula Yates are the proud parents of Fifi TrixibellePeaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. Paula left Bob for INXS singer Michael Hutchence, with whom she had Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. After Michael killed himself and Paula died of an overdose, Bob adopted "Tiger Lily" and made her an heir.

  2. The Zappa family: Music legend Frank Zappa and his wife of 26 years, Gail Sloatman, gave their children the names Moon UnitDweezilAhmet Emuukah Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.

  3. The Oliver family: Chef Jamie Oliver and his wife Juliette "Jools" Norton named their kids Poppy Honey RosieDaisy Boo PamelaPetal Blossom Rainbow and Buddy Bear Maurice.

  4. The Phoenix family: John Lee Bottom and Arlyn Sharon Dunetz are the parents of the late River Jude and his siblings Rain Joan of ArcJoaquin RafaelLibertad Mariposa and Summer Joy. The family officially changed their surname from Bottom to Phoenix, a tribute to the mythical bird that rises from its own ashes.

  5. The Willis family: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore gave their daughters the memorable monikers RumerScout LaRue and Tallulah Belle.

Worst baby names of 2012-2013

Fortunately for us, the flavor of the week changes regularly, so there will always be yet another celebrity baby name to shock us, such as these recent arrivals:

  1. Blue Ivy: Music moguls Jay Z and Beyonce's choice of baby was so unique that they even attempted to trademark it (so they, and not someone else, could make a fortune on Blue Ivy clothes and nursery decor).

  2. Breeze Beretta: Levi Johnston became famous as the baby daddy to Bristol Palin (daughter of one-time vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin). Levi and Bristol named their son Tripp Easton Mitchell, but Levi one-upped his ex when he and new love Summer Oglesby named their daughter after his favorite gun.

  3. Kash KadeThe Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak named her first son with Atlanta Falcons football player Kroy Biermann after his father, but to her second son she gave this gem.

  4. North: Hip hop musician Kanye West and reality diva Kim Kardashian will nickname their directional daughter "Nori."

  5. West Lantz: Country crooner Randy Houser and wife Jessa Lee named their first child West. Wonder if he'll want to hang out with North West (above)?

More baby names lists

Exotic baby names
Baby names from the family tree
Shakespearean baby names for boys and girls