The internet has been buzzing since the announcement this week that upscale athletic-wear retailer Lululemon recalled their ubiquitous black yoga pants from shelves, due to unacceptable sheerness in the fabric.

According to CEO Christine Day, "The only way to test for the problem is to put the pants on and bend over." Well, sorry Lululemon — that sounds like a challenge to me.

We ladies are fiercely protective of our yoga pants — even those of us who actually do yoga. No article of clothing in our entire wardrobe is as comfortable or appropriate for all occasions. You want me to return these pants? You may have to peel them off my body. I'm keeping mine for several good reasons.

Cellulite? Where?

When I put these yoga pants on, my legs are firm with not a ripple, dimple or pucker to be found. It's like I'm a 14-year-old again — just add crow's feet and a few kids. Muffin top? Just pull them a wee bit higher. Forget Spanx, these thin yoga pants are way better. And bonus points because I don't have to admit to wearing Spanx.

Open house at the high school

It's almost that time of year again — when my high school kid shuttles her parents from classroom to classroom to see the fruits of her labor since August. These poor teachers have hundreds of students who are eager for good grades, scholarship recommendation letters or just a cool lab partner. How do you compete against all that and give your child an edge? Wear those yoga pants and bend over to tie your shoes — in front of the teacher. Your child is instantly memorable, even if not for a good reason. Which leads me to the next reason you won't pry these yoga pants away.

Revenge on the teenager

For all those eye-rolls, sighs and looks of disgust, it's payback time.

If you have teenagers, you know that look of embarrassment they have when you accompany them anywhere in public. It doesn't matter how uber-cool you think you are — you just aren't. For all those eye-rolls, sighs and looks of disgust, it's payback time. Nothing says "I love you honey!" more than an impromptu shopping trip at the mall, complete with mom's see-through pants.

Physics 101

What is that law or proverb (or whatever Newton said) — an object in motion will stay in motion? What kind of crazy idea is that? Maybe I don't want to be in motion, or even move off the couch for that matter. My yoga pants allow me the freedom to not move. At all. And truth be told, there are days when that is the most important thing on my agenda. I'm a writer, you know, and with my butt plastered into my desk chair for hours and hours each day, who cares if you can see my butt crack? My dog doesn't seem to mind.

I hate pants

There, I said it. Pants are so fancy, so "Let's go to brunch!" or "I'm heading into the office!" formal. I didn't become a writer so that I could spark fashion trends, look amazing or even leave the house. Take away my yoga pants, and I might be forced to wear real clothes, letting all the neighborhood women in on my little secret — I have no fashion sense. Even when I leave the house in my yoga pants, I look like I am heading to the gym. I think we even have a few of those in my town, so I'm covered. Pants are so 2012, anyway.

Lululemon? I'm keeping my yoga pants. You may see "unacceptable sheerness" but all I see is comfort.

And my butt crack.

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